Today was the last day of school for me,
and I did something I always do
when the room has been cleaned,
and everything is just so,
and I am literally about to close the door on another year:
I stop and stand in silence,
looking around at a room in which I did not just teach, but learn,
and I take a moment to appreciate all that transpired there.
The reaction that follows varies from year to year.
My first year of teaching, I cried -- oh, I cried --
surprised to realize how much I loved my students,
saddened by the fact that I only had a year with them.
Another year, I put my head down on my desk, exhausted.
One year I laughed and shook it off, relieved, needing the summer.
This year I smiled, a bit beside myself. How lucky am I, I thought,
to have known them, even if only for a short while.
to have known them, even if only for a short while.
And then my mind went where it always goes: it's not enough.
I'm not enough.
I'm not enough.
I need to try harder.
I can be a better teacher.
And then, as always, the thought inevitably dawns,
reenergizing me even with summer yet to officially begin:
reenergizing me even with summer yet to officially begin:
There's always next year.
Earlier today, the faculty and staff ended the year with a prayer service,
reflecting on the following verse from 2 Timothy:
"I have competed well; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith."
The more I think about it, the more I realize that the "race"
is more of a relay, and I have only finished one leg of an ongoing journey.
Each year, I think about what I have passed forward to my students,
and I wonder what they'll make of it,
what they will carry with them, what they will pass forward to others.
Sometimes a selfish question pops into my head: Will they remember me?
In fact, it doesn't really matter if they do or do not,
as long as I have remembered who I am in the course of their lives,
and I have done my job.
Reality has to trump sentimentality sometimes.
Above all, I hope they have learned to be good to each other.
Sometimes that is the hardest lesson to teach and learn,
as it can be undone so easily,
as it can be undone so easily,
but I have finished my leg of the race,
and I need to trust that they know where to go from here.
Of course...
as schmaltzy and wistful and self-reflective as the last day of school makes me,
there is the promise of SUMMER to get me supercharged!
I actually started cleaning my desk tonight,
in the hopes that I'll be messing it up again on a daily basis.
Summertime is scrappy time, and I loooooove it so.
I think I'm off to a good start already,
care of the AMAZINGLY beautiful June JBS kit
(which features the new "Haven" papers),
(which features the new "Haven" papers),
and the "Atrium" add-on:
I have a feeling that this is one of those kits,
the kind of kit that makes any page possible,